joie de vivre French [ʒwa də vivrə]
n
joy of living; enjoyment of life; ebullience
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| Ryan and my shoulder to lean on and his bestest bud; the handsome Jamie "Timberlake". |
. I find myself constantly listening to my Ryan playlist. Typically it starts with Jolene, Colder Weather and Just Breath. Lately I listen to Toto's Africa on repeat...
"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you..."
...... how true.
5 Months ago, today. Five months without him, it's unreal.
The song brings me right back to the Church where we said goodbye to our beautiful, crazy, funny boy.
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| Ryan loved his family. We'd joke that he would use this picture just to win over the ladies. |
How fleeting life can be, but also how fulfilling seconds,
minutes and days were with Ryan around. That alone is a true testament
to his amazing parents. To raise a man with such a vivacious spirit, a heart of gold and smile that could brighten up the darkest of days. He truly was the greatest man I have yet to meet, and probably ever will. |
| Ryan with his beautiful mother, Linda with whom I have grown to love like my own. |
I am lucky enough that I am very sentimental (to a fault) and always save great messages. Exactly 26 minutes before Ryan left us suddenly, he called me. I was fast asleep (something I will never forgive myself for) so he left me a video message. He was singing Steve Winwood's Higher Love.
And then he sent me the picture below (as I am a devout Eagle's fan) and the caption read: "Miss your face, gorgeous. Wish you were here lovefaccccce"
Steve (Burg's close friend) later told me that Ryan and he had grandiose discussions about how deep the song (Higher Love) really is... I know, really?!
Steve said by him singing it to me, it meant something far more than I'd ever know.
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| Ryan, Steve and Jamie <3 |
He was magnetic. The most joyous part of my 25 years thus far. He is irreplaceable...
He could call and leave me hilarious voice mails (singing
Pearl Jam’s “Betterman”).
He was an exceptional dancer too. We will forgive the fact that he really loved N*Sync and that Taylor Swift was often played in his car (or at least try to).
We’d watch Definitely/Maybe
simultaneously from our separate beds, talking on the phone and
repeating our favorite parts.
I miss your face ("loverrrr face" as you would say).
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| Look at those two precious faces. Again, a picture he'd use to win brownie points with girls. |
The day before leaving for my big move to Charleston, I drove the hour car ride to Crossroads to see Jamie and Steve and Jay and feel Ryan's presence one more time before leaving. We cried, we drank, we sang... and it meant more to me than almost any other thing I've ever done. Crossroads is forever reverie to me and my special place I hold near and dear ... it's Burg, therefore it's home and to me, that feeling is my pleasure of living....
There is such a void in all of our lives, but his smile always brings me to a great place.
Keep the lights flickering, it makes me feel you near.
But please stop with the flat tires. I know you got a kick out of it in January but it's getting old.. and expensive.
I love you and miss you terribly, Burg...well, Definitely/Maybe.
This, and everything I do, is for you.
Thank you for being my unexpected
This, and everything I do, is for you.
Thank you for being my unexpected
best friend.
Meet you on the other side,
where you better ask if you may have the first dance.
....
My forever and always
Joie De Vivre.
Meet you on the other side,
where you better ask if you may have the first dance.
....
My forever and always
Joie De Vivre.
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| Joie De Vivre tattoo I got for Ryan. This Picture was taken right where I left Ryan the last time I saw him. |
(Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you)
"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa..."
