My Joie De Vivre- Ryan Scott Burris- "Burg"

joie de vivre French [ʒwa də vivrə]

n

joy of living; enjoyment of life; ebullience

Ryan and my shoulder to lean on and his bestest bud; the handsome Jamie "Timberlake".

. I find myself constantly listening to my Ryan playlist. Typically it starts with Jolene, Colder Weather and Just Breath. Lately I listen to Toto's Africa on repeat...

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you..."

...... how true.

5 Months ago, today. Five months without him, it's unreal.

The song brings me right back to the Church where we said goodbye to our beautiful, crazy, funny boy. 

Ryan loved his family. We'd joke that he would use this picture just to win over the ladies. 

How fleeting life can be, but also how fulfilling seconds,

minutes and days were with Ryan around. That alone is a true testament

to his amazing parents. To raise a man with such a vivacious spirit, a heart of gold and smile that could brighten up the darkest of days. He truly was the greatest man I have yet to meet, and probably ever will.

Ryan with his beautiful mother, Linda with whom I have grown to love like my own.

I am lucky enough that I am very sentimental (to a fault) and always save great messages. Exactly 26 minutes before Ryan left us suddenly,  he called me. I was fast asleep (something I will never forgive myself for) so he left me a video message. He was singing Steve Winwood's Higher Love.  

And then he sent me the picture below (as I am a devout Eagle's fan) and the caption read: "Miss your face, gorgeous. Wish you were here lovefaccccce"

Steve (Burg's close friend) later told me that Ryan and he had grandiose discussions about how deep the song (Higher Love) really is... I know, really?!  


 Steve said by him singing it to me, it meant something far more than I'd ever know. 

Ryan, Steve and Jamie <3 

He was magnetic. The most joyous part of my 25 years thus far. He is irreplaceable...

 He could call and leave me hilarious voice mails (singing

Pearl Jam’s “Betterman”). 

He was an exceptional dancer too. We will forgive the fact that he really loved N*Sync and that Taylor Swift was often played in his car (or at least try to).

We’d watch Definitely/Maybe

simultaneously from our separate beds, talking on the phone and

                                                                                    repeating our favorite parts.  

I miss your face ("loverrrr face" as you would say). 

Look at those two precious faces. Again, a picture he'd use to win brownie points with girls.

The day before leaving for my big move to Charleston, I drove the hour car ride to Crossroads to see Jamie and Steve and Jay and feel Ryan's presence one more time before leaving. We cried, we drank, we sang... and it meant more to me than almost any other thing I've ever done. Crossroads is forever reverie to me and my special place I hold near and dear ... it's Burg, therefore it's home and  to me, that feeling is my pleasure of living....

There is such a void in all of our lives, but his smile always brings me to a great place.

Keep the lights flickering, it makes me feel you near. 

But please stop with the flat tires. I know you got a kick out of it in January but it's getting old.. and expensive. 

I love you and miss you terribly, Burg...well, Definitely/Maybe. 


This, and everything I do, is for you.
 Thank you for being my unexpected 

best friend.  
Meet you on the other side, 
where you better ask if you may have the first dance.


....


My forever and always 


Joie De Vivre.

Joie  De Vivre tattoo I got for Ryan. This Picture was taken right where I left Ryan the last time I saw him.

(Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you)

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do

I bless the rains down in Africa..."

'Let no man look down on your youth.'.

The meaning of the name Timothy is: One who honors God.

The biblical Timothy was the young Christian to whom Paul wrote.

 'Let no man look down on your youth.'.

How apropos, concidering

 a.) timmy acts like a big kid and

b.) his beautiful niece loves the cross he wears around his neck (in fact, in church, she points to teh crucifix on the wall and goes- "it's a T for TIM!"

It's Tim! (Maryn says every time she sees her Uncle Tim)

Timothy also meanss: horrible at darts (it must be my age and gender that makes me better than you).

kidding.... (sorta) 

My very first friend in Charleston, I am eternally thankful for everything you do for me.

It's literally a miracle the day I met you.

I'd be lost.

We're sort of like piss 'n vinegar. Tim always thinks he's right...

I always am right.

But in the end, he is my bestest friend here.

And the greatest uncle Willy and Chow could ever ask for.

A certain birthday boy, did not know know the renowned, amazingness of the one and only James Taylor – (he'll get defensive right about....NOW haha)

but I figured this was a perfect way to wish you happy birthday then to introduce you to a little JT..

You've Got a Friend Lyrics:
When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, yeah, yeah,
you've got a friend....

Typical.

If the sky above you should turn dark and full of cloudskeep your head together and call my name out loud.
Soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there.

 Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend? People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you. Well, they'll take your soul if you let them,
oh yeah, but don't you let them.

 You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call, Lord, I'll be there, yeah, yeah,
you've got a friend. You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend. Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you've got a friend..."

(promise, promise).

HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY (ITSAMY) TIMMY!!!

This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.

Cheers to you, my dearest friend

 

     
and let no man look down on your youth...

Thank you for being you.

The (re) purpose of life.

For beautiful hair,
let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
For poise,
 walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
 People, more than things,
        have to be
 restored,
 renewed,
    revived,
    reclaimed, and redeemed.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.      — Audrey Hepburn

                                              

“The purpose of life is to live it,

 to taste experience to the utmost,

to reach out eagerly and without fear..." - E.Roosevelt

Sunday morning, Timmy and I went to the beach to meet up with his brother and his family.

Maryn came running up to us when we got there and was so excited to

tell us, "It's warm" (the water).

She ran into the little puddles forming at the foot

of the ocean and would splash her hands into it proclaiming, "it's warm!"

I asked her what lives in the oceans and she

responded "fish”- ever so proudly.  I asked her what else (not expecting her to be able

to answer) and she surprised me with "Sharks".

I told her that Uncle Nick is afraid of sharks and she giggled her beautiful Maryn giggle.

     Poor kid, I didn’t have the heart to tell her
 I wasn’t joking…

We worked on “simming”—and she’s a pretty good “simmer”… well, she’s GREAT at the splashing part..

She loves to do ballet in the water with me.

We twirled... and twirled.... and twirled some more.

She finally sat down with her Uncle Timmy to share her gold fish and to point out every

polka dot, or should I say POKE A DOT, on my bikini.

It's the little things {little people} that make me happy. You know the feeling? That deep down, mama’s cooking, homespun feeling. Well, maybe not MY mother’s cooking.. but Paula Dean’s cookin’ (sorry mum, can't have it all!)

After such an innocent day at the beach with lil Miss. Maryn (baby Mac), I thought about how precious she is and how grateful I am to know her family. I really do, at times, feel as though she were my own niece. If I can only be so blessed to have Jordan or Jarrett provide us with a little cherub like Baby Mac. I have the sense of home with the Cummings family, which, to me is the greatest gift. 

I wanted to do something special for them . Something a little more special than buying a fisher price toy or princess dolly. I think toys that foster creativity is vital for a child's growth and development... just look at me, Jordan and Jarrett, for example...

(done laughing?)....

So I dragged Timmy to consignment children stores. Poor guy... He was a good sport, though, because he loves his niece and god baby. Plus, like I tell him, I am just giving him practice in patience and at being a obeying, purse holding  husband.


... His future wife(s)/girlfriend(s) will thank me, I am sure. After lots of searching, we (I) found an old train table, like one that my brother Jordy had when he was little.
And with that,  I began to do my happy dance.
Perfect! It could work... if I WORK at it a bit.




Mod Podge- reminds me of college, oddly enough.

 

My idea was to make a decoupage table full of pictures of her and her FABULOUS family and turn the "train track" into a chalk board. A little chalk board paint, sand paper (LOTS), a thousand pictures of the Cummings family, and some pretty pale pink paint,  I KNEW this would be amazing.

I took over their garage. It became my "studio"; armed with glasses of wine, and a steady hand to continually fill my glass (Uncle Timmy) paint brushes and Avon skin-so-soft lotion, I was ready to be Miss. Martha Stewart.

Her itty bitty chair
-Previously an old wooden chair



Re-purposing and old train table



the drawers

On my ride home from the beach, I was thinking about how I got here. And by here, I do not JUST mean Charleston, SC (vacationland). But here... this place where so much is lost and so much is gained. So much has changed in the past few months (good and bad) and it would be neglectful if I didn't admit that I, like the table, needed a little re-purposing as well.

When we graduated from CBA, I remember Dr. Suess' OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!  was read at the Baccalaureate Mass. Lame!-- at 17 I thought. But now, older and so much wiser (haha)I identified with how true those simple words were... 

Thus came this idea... 

"Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum ( I changed to Benham for a creative touch)  or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai (changed to Maryn.. again, to be cute) Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!"

Like any great children's book, the moral of the tale (as my mother would say) is.....?

I, perhaps more than the train table, needed to be restored, renewed, reclaimed. The creativity to re-live is what life is about. When you are around such an angelic, innocent child as Maryn, you see that the  world is at the tip of her tiny toes.

The doc warned us in his playful poetry: "I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you."

We get nicked and scuffed and stressed like the wooden chair ( $20 at Next to New in Mt. Pleasant!), or need to reinvent, sand out the kinks, move on. We get caught up in our suggested purpose (train table for boys), that we lose sight of what we can become (creation station/indoor sidewalk table- something perhaps not better, but different. It's like the Phoenix. We rise again from the ashes, anew.. 

After a ridiculous amount of hours, layers and brain-cell losing scents, I cannot wait until Maryn gets to see her arts and craft table. Above all, I really hope she never loses her sense of wonder, her joy in simple things, her little giggle, her vitality and sweet, sweet nature. It's funny how it's now the children we learn from, and not the other way about.

.

The final product